Have you ever been in a relationship, with somebody you feel connected to on a deep level, but simultaneously, there is something missing.
It’s not about lack of enthusiasm, it about feeling like there’s a wall between you and your partner. At first, you might believe it’s just your imagination. But it’s not.
It’s the feeling that your partner is protecting themselves to such an extent that you receive very little affection in return.
They don’t show their love as much as you do, they are not affectionate, they might be present, but you feel they’re not 100% there.
Well, here are 6 pieces of advice for you.
1) It’s not your job to break down the wall.
Your partner has probably been protecting themselves even before you appeared in their lives. It isn’t a measurement whether they care or not, it’s just a statement of their fear.
Whatever the reason might be, this person can’t feel safe and finds it difficult to trust or believe that it’s going to be fine if they let down their wall. Perhaps they’re waiting for somebody who has the ideal shoe size for their slipper before they can fully open up their heart.
And if so, it’s a pity they set up with their relationships, so they keep on being an emotional lone wolf. It is their story—they’d rather live in than to actually live. It isn’t your problem to fix.
2) They’ll open their heart whenever they want. You don’t have to wait or force it.
Please remember that this person can decide at any moment to open up, but do yourself a favor and do not wait.
That doesn’t mean you have to run, but you need to take care of yourself. That means either that the relationship will eventually end or that your partner will find the strength to open up so that they won’t lose you.
3) You might have to consider that perhaps you are not that affectionate either.
Maybe the reason you don’t receive affection is just the fact that you don’t offer it. Or maybe you show affection, but you aren’t truly emotionally available for them.
Maybe you scare them, and maybe you need to give what you need to receive. Just try to think if that is the case.
4) Communicate your needs.
Sometimes we don’t receive the affection we need simply because we don’t know how to ask it. People aren’t affection machines and, also, not everyone shows their affection in the same way.
Don’t say “You’re not affectionate” or “I need more affection”. That might confuse your partner or sound a lot like blaming them. Explain what affection is for you and what they could do to make you happy. That’s communication.
5) Understand that people differ.
As said before, not everyone expresses their emotions in the same way. Try to understand it before it’s too late. Do you trust your partner? Do they love you? You know the answer. If they do, then you’ll find a way to break the wall between you, but if they don’t, then you need to do something about it.
But before leaving, remember that they might just be different from you.
6) Disappointment happens.
Deal with it. Difficult to do, right? It’s never about trusting the other person not to hurt us, let us down, lie, or cheat.
It’s about trusting ourselves enough to emotionally handle any disappointment. We think that if we trust someone else, they will have the power to crush our whole world. But no one will unless we let them.
And many of us still take others actions too seriously and personally; we make them count or our happiness.
Learn to trust yourself and handle the feelings of loss, grief, or betrayal. You can do it!